"You just have to do everything the hard way!"
Why yes, yes I do. Don't ask me why I have to do everything the hard way, because I honestly don't know the answer! Truthfully, I love the easy way of doing anything, yet I always make the wrong choice, do the wrong thing, screw shit up, and suffer. At least things always turn out alright! Take for instance, school.
All the way from Kindergarten, up until Grade 10, I was the honor roll student. Consistently was I punctual, studying hard, doing my homework, and acing exams. Grade 11 rolled around, and suddenly something changed. My brain just wouldn't come up with answers anymore, studying became more boring than usual, homework "didn't exist" anymore, and classes started becoming a chore. Don't tell me that it was sex, because I was still a virgin at this time.
Yet looking back now, I would still say that females were the reason for my educational downfall. I started dating like it was a street drug, I was addicted. I liked the girls, some attractive, some not so much, yet there was always something missing. Yes, in hindsight I really do believe that this was my problem! My mind wasn't focusing on schoolwork because I was busy thinking, "When am I going to see her again? When is the damned bell going to ring? We need to meet for lunch! I really miss her!" And I mean really, I was sixteen. I didn't love these girls, but I definitely enjoyed their company. I liked them a lot, loved going out to movies, lunches, dinners, etc. Needless to say I guess, is that I started skipping classes to go and meet up with whomever I was dating at the time.
So here's where I strayed from the easy path of simply doing schoolwork and getting good grades. Skipping became my new addiction. It wasn't even the girls anymore, I would just miss class for fun! I had more important things to do, like go to Dairy Queen and spend all of my money. Of course though, I would go to the occasional class, no work to hand in, no grades to be found, and it became harder and harder to even bother to try and focus to catch up and save my skin. My parents were most displeased.
Having the great parents that I do, they were right pissed off with me. "Throwing away my future," I was. I didn't believe them, and I hated them for giving me shit all the time. My dad would yell that it was my choice to fuck up my own life, and that I should have to pay for my own consequences. Mom would end up saving my ass, saying that I needed another chance. This cycle ran on for ages. I eventually ran away from home. I stayed with a friend of mine, who ironically turned out to live only about eight houses away. I should mention that only three months prior to this, I had started smoking cigarettes. A bad break up the day after my birthday, followed by a few shifts at work with my closer friends of which most smoked, led to my new addiction: Cigarettes. But that will take it's place in this story later on.
The night that I ran away, I brought a couple of garbage bags worth of my most important valuables, along with my backpack of yes, schoolwork. I hopped on the bus late at night, and went to the only place I felt comfortable, work. I stored my stuff up in the locker room there, watched a free movie, and then headed back out into the cold. I caught the last train back up to my area of the city, and walked to school at 2:00am. It was freezing cold, and having a binder full of empty sheets, a lighter, and some body spray, I made myself a cozy little fire in a corner near one of the school doors. After a few hours of sleeplessness, the school opened. I removed any evidence of my stay outside, and ran to the front door. Being the first student in an empty school is a weird feeling, let me tell you.
I'll stop for a moment and point out another hard way of doing things that you should have picked up. I ran away late at night, rather than the morning. I didn't arrange a place to stay, thus my sleep deprived night. I made a fire with paper and no wood. I did this all in winter, ha! Yeah, easy ways to do things don't pop into my head as often as they should. Where was I...
Sleeping through my Math 20 Pure test that afternoon was fantastic. The teacher woke me up twice, and I told her about my night, so I rewrote the test on a later date. Lucky score there, I think. I talked to my friend about living with him, and THEN found out that he was eight houses away. Go figure. So after work that night, I emptied my locker into his basement. Not a week later did something happen that I definitely did not intend. I met Mary Jane. This did not develop into an addiction, which I found to be strange. Everyone told me that this was the gateway drug, the one that was most addictive. Well I proved them wrong I guess. It was enjoyable don't get me wrong, but I felt that it was stupid to just be stupid all the time. In my entire stay at his house, I was high a grand total of nine times. Drugs weren't my thing. However, I was still missing classes left, right, and center, eventually leading to me dropping out halfway into the second semester. Not due to drug use, rather to my number one addiction at the time: Video games.
There were many, Many, MANY all-nighters pulled during my stay at this house. So many games to play, so much TV to watch, countless movies to sit through. I guess in a way, you could say that I was brainwashed. I was free to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it. This was exactly what I wanted. Fortunately I had a friend who knew that I was doing the wrong thing. She wasn't a girlfriend, but I cared deeply for her, and would do absolutely anything for her. With her help, after a three month period of stupidity, I moved back into my parent's house. She convinced me that enrolling in school again was the smartest idea, and within a month after the first day of school, I quit smoking. Not for very long, but it DID happen.
It turned out that I didn't really miss much class wise. After reviewing my schedule with teachers, principals, and the like, I found out that I would still be able to graduate in the proper year, with just enough credits, AND a spare period. Wicked luck, and it's a good thing that I am at least school-smart, if I have no common sense. Unfortunately, my friend and I drifted out of touch being at different schools and all. I also screwed up a few things, did the wrongs things as only the typical me would. If I could go back to that exact year and change just that one thing, my entire life would be different. Still waiting on a time machine...
School went on by, but I still craved the freedom that I had become accustomed to. I didn't start missing classes again until the second semester had started, but there you have it, I started again. I had also met somebody that I really liked. The thing is, I only ever saw her once. But we "dated" online for six months. TWO DAYS before she came back to Calgary, I broke up with her. I wanted someone who was closer, and I should have ended the relationship much earlier. But being a 17-year-old male, I knew that I couldn't control my hormones forever, and I didn't want to be unfaithful, so I ended it. Should have just followed the easy path and waited the two days, but I like being difficult. So single I was, and skipping school, though quite less frequent than it was the year prior, started creeping up again. It was maybe one or two classes here and there, but my parents stomped it out of me, and I just barely passed a few classes, but I made it to graduation.
I had to figure out who I was going to bring as my date for grad, and found it quite difficult. I wanted it to be nothing but spectacular, however I had very strong feelings for two different women. My first girlfriend, and my first love. Yes there's a difference. After a LOT of thought, I asked my first love to come to my graduation banquet. I still feel that it was the better choice to this day. I still loved her, and I KNEW that our night together would be absolutely magical. About half an hour before we moved into the banquet hall, I sat with her on my right, and my best friend, Jesse, on my left. We talked about a bunch of things, and began to catch up on everything. She asked if I had been seeing anyone since our falling apart. I didn't know what to do! I wanted her to be happy, but I couldn't tell her about my long distance relationship. I quickly chose the lie of, "No," when Jesse asked, "What about the girl from Saskatchewan?" I turned at looked at him for a full five seconds. In those five seconds I felt anger, betrayal, and disbelief. He did the right thing though, forcing the truth out of me.
Needless to say, she was beyond angry. She had wanted that night to be magical as well. If i wouldn't have lied, we might have had that great night. Every conversation from then on out was abrupt and cold. I felt terrible, and just tried to enjoy our time together. I'm still glad that she came, and that she stayed throughout the entire night. She could have, no, SHOULD have left, but she chose to stay with me, even though I was such a prick. I'll always love that selflessness. We didn't talk for a very long time after that. Definitely a rough road...
I'm just going on and on here now aren't I? I'll finish this later............................................................
